It can be really hard to tell folks I don't take insurance. I was in network with insurances for most of my career and I finally gave up on it. I know it might seem unfair when you have insurance that you can't always find therapists who accept it. I had some of the same issues myself when seeking a compatible therapist to guide me and listen to me. I can give you the whole list of reasons, of which there are many, for why I don't accept insurance anymore but instead I'm going to link you to an NPR article on why a lot of a lot of clinicians have stopped taking insurance. It doesn't change the frustration you might feel when seeking someone in network, but it does shine a light on what it takes away from a provider if they continue to take insurance as their career progresses.

I hope this is helpful in some way. 

www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/08/24/nx-s1-5028551/insurance-therapy-therapist-mental-health-coverage

Trauma is a thing that happens to people. It's not deserved. It's not "your own fault" or "a lesson to be learned." It's an abnormal event that reshaped what might have been a peaceful or happy life. Trauma can show up as blank spots in your memory, or blank years. It can manifest as feelings of shame about yourself or thinking that you are fundamentally broken because of how you were treated. You don't feel like your relationships reflect the work you put into them. Or perhaps you break away from relationships, not understanding why anyone would love you.  Trauma doesn't look the same for everyone but, man, it shows up. 

A trauma response is a *normal* response to an abnormal situation. It's not a flaw. It's not being "too much." It's not because you're "not enough." It doesn't arise because you  are weak. It's how your brain tried to keep you safe in unsafe situations. Lacking a supportive and consistent adult in your young life, your brain grew in ways to adapt to how you were treated. It's okay to have trauma in your history or in your right-now.

​Emotions can be painful, but they are absolutely normal and having them, even if they are very big, is the human condition. Not a flaw. Not a break. Not a weakness. Just human.

If you cannot manage them alone, ask for help. Then, accept help. Even if it's hard.

Just because you believe something doesn't mean it's true.

Your brain will tell you anything to keep you safe. "You can't, you're not good enough, you're too much, you're not enough, just don't try..." Your brain is trying to protect you by keeping you small, hidden, safe. You believe the thoughts because your brain said them with such certainty.

Now read that first line again. Thank your clever brain for trying to help, but also... It may  not be telling you the truth.
​
Joanne Mackie, LMHC, CCTP
​

It IS hard right now. It's not just you.
It can feel exhausting and depressing and so incredibly unceasingly boring and aggravating to live in our new COVID reality. Whatever you're feeling... and it's probably falling on a scale of I-just-don't-care-anymore to OH-MY-GOD-WHAT-NOW???... is okay. 

• Sad? That's okay.
• Depressed? That's okay.
• Anxious? That's okay.
• Angry? That's okay too!
• Ambivalent? Yep.
• Meh? 100% with you.
• I've never been less motivated to do anything in my life? I hear ya.

If you are feeling any of these things, you're not messing up. Please don't point the finger of blame at yourself and think "I should be doing, being, thinking, feeling, etc. BETTER than this." Whatever social media yardstick you're using to measure yourself isn't applicable. AT ALL.  Just do, be, think, feel the best you can. That's good enough, and good enough right now is pretty damn good.

If what you are feeling is too much, too frightening, or too overwhelming, please reach out to a professional for help. 

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
I. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

II. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I still don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. It isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

III. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there, I still fall in. It's habit. It's my fault. I know where I am. I get out immediately.

IV. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
​
V. I walk down a different street.

​© 1977 Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery

​It's very easy to believe that the things in our lives that happen to us or around us are ABOUT us. We assume responsibility for things that may have nothing to do with us personally  instead of asking ourselves a simple question: What else could it be?

Other people sometimes act in ways that create distress in us. A go-to response for many people is to internalize the actions of other people.  "My significant other had a fight with me and won't tell me why and then they stormed out of the house and they must be angry at me and nobody has ever really loved me and what is wrong with me?" might also be interpreted as "My partner was in a really bad place today. Something may have happened (...work, home, during commute, bad dreams, no sleep, feels ill...) that I don't know about. I'll let them talk to me when they are ready." Try to allow for their mood being about something that is not you. Some things might feel very personal without being personal at all. Sometimes how someone acts is fully about them and not at all about you.

What a relief, right?

This kind of cognitive restructuring is often helped by finding a professional therapist to help you recognize when you are internalizing and guide you in changing your perspective. Find someone you can trust if you can't do this kind of work on your own.

​One of the things I most want people who have trauma histories to know is this: you don't have to trust everyone. You don't have to trust me. Meeting people, especially those you are "supposed" to trust, may create in you a frisson of fear. You experience intense caution around others because you have been through something, perhaps many things, that hurt you. Emotional pain. Physical Pain. Abandonment. Childhood experiences that you cannot erase no matter how hard you try. You did not experience these incidents in isolation and so you may be vigilant around other people. That's okay. Fear is a normal reaction when you have experienced trauma. Trauma itself is defined as a "normal reaction to an abnormal experience." You don't have to trust someone when you meet them. Allow yourself to understand the protective nature of your fear and then allow your boundaries to soften. Some person hurt you. Every person won't.
Trust when you are ready. It's not a race.